NEED TO BE CALM

I am a spaz. I get quietly, internally bent out of shape about stuff, and it gradually makes me snippy, moody, and just generally not a happy camper. I've been stressing over trying to find a place to live, and trying not to let my wife know, as she is more stressed than BOTH of us should be. Trying to be the calm, collected one is making me want to jump off a cliff though.

So house situation is still up in the air- waiting to hear from the bank about the price, hoping everything works out. It occured to me this morning that what started as "God, if this is a plan you've put in place, I pray that everything works smoothly and that You keep letting me know which way to go", had turned into "God, I'm doing everything I can to be good, but I'm stressed and getting moodier by the minute, and so PLEASE make things work". It's like we somewhere along the way decided we had to be extra good, so God would be happy and let good things happen to us. What a bunch of crap. That suggests God only loves us when we're acting perfect. Total crap- my kids showed me that. I need to quit trying to be so together, as if my good deeds or some super strong faith are going to MAKE God give us a house. Silly. Don't know why I always end up going there with whatever I'm doing.....bad upbringing maybe. Being human maybe? Who knows. I've known for a long time what a screw-up I am.

FOOD HANGOVER

So yeah, I feel like crap today. Went out for a belated anniversary dinner last night, which turned into a progressive dinner of sorts. Used our giftcard form CHRISTMAS to hit Maggiano's for some so-not-on-the-detox-diet Lasagna and Spinach and Chicken Canneloni. Excellent, by the way. After that it was off to Green Hills, to walk around the snooty mall making fun of all the "social elite" out to do a little boutique shopping. After we had sufficiently worked off the pasta, it was off to the Cheesecake Factory for a double-whammy- White Chocolate Rasberry and a Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake. I.Feel.Sick.

I wake up this morning fully prepared for the food hangover, and as if on cue, it was waiting for me. I feel 20 lbs heavier, and just feel gross. Taekwondo at lunch today, that should be a treat! Oh well, back on the plan. Goodbye carbs, I miss you already (OK thats a lie, right now I couldn't eat any more pasta if I HAD to).

CRAP I'M TIRED

And you know what the problem is? I haven't been to the gym in two days....well OK, I went to Taekwondo Tuesday, then slacked yesterday and this morning. I miss my endorphines! I am such a freakin slacker! I continue to lose wieght slowly in spite, at a rate of about 3 lbs a week. Not bad, but not what I want. 3 a week puts me at 225 by Christmas, but I'd rather be at 225 by Thanksgiving, and then start working on getting things TIGHT! The long uphill battle begins.

So yeah, training again for the half, trying to figure out how to pay for my plane ticket to VA! Maybe I'll sell plasma.....oh wait, then I'll be too weak to train. Crap. I guess I just have to work. Maybe I better quit blogging and make a phone call or 20......

MATTER OF PRAYER

I just want to take a few minutes to record this somewhere. I am bad about following through on prayer, and I am usually so pessimistic I don’t bother asking God for things I don’t see as “sure things”, but I had a vision of something this morning, and I can’t help but blame God for it….

It all started when we were looking at a condo to rent. We have been renting for about 8 years, since we got married, and we are SICK of it. BUT, we’re trying to do the “debt-free” thing and wait until we pay off our debt to buy a home. Problem is, Williamson County, and the whole Nashville area, is so freakin expensive, rent is WAY more than a decent home would be anywhere else, but a decent home we can afford is non-existent around here. So anyway, we’re looking at this condo, and as I am standing on the porch looking at the yard, I notice a NASTY yard across the street. Seriously, the grass is 3 ft high. Looks like no one is home, no one has BEEN home.

My recent financial educational experience tells me it’s abandoned, and may be in foreclosure… INTERESTING. So, I do a little homework, e-mail the deeds office in the county, and find out it has been turned over to a Trustee and may already be in foreclosure. I do a little more homework, find out I need to see what it was purchased for, so I can maybe make an offer if we can get the financing. Hilarious that we saw this place while looking at another, but both of us just got this FEELING about the little house. So now I am waiting for a bunch of things to happen in order, starting with finding out the sale price and then moving through the mortgage approval process. Yikes.

So anyway, I had this thought in my head, about how I put things off or don’t bother to bring things to God that I want or think are too far-fetched to brother asking for. I decided this wasn’t one of those times. It made me think also about how we always live in these little apartments, and we always feel like (and this may be weird), that all the crap and all the drama that goes on in these places over the years leaves a little mojo behind, you know? We always feel like some of the “demons” of the past live in these places, and we always say we need to pray as we move in, invite God in (not that He needs the invite, but you know) and ask for God’s blessing over the people and the interactions within those walls…..we’ve never actually DONE that, but it sounds good.

So anyway, I was thinking how cool it would be to get this house, and invite friends, family, and church family over to pray over this house. Sort of a dedication/house-warming/commissioning/exorcism/reclaiming of the space for Jesus. How cool would that be? (SO I’ve been reading Shane Claiborne’s Irresistable Revolution, and I think some of his crazy vision is rubbing off!). I don’t even know what we would be reclaiming the space for, other than for living, but it seems to me that “if you build it, they will come” might be the vibe I’m getting- “Follow through, get your home, and I’ll show you what I can do with it”.

So pray, if you read this. Pray that we find a place to live that allows us to get out of debt, and doesn’t break the bank. Pray that we can finally feel at home, like we belong somewhere, that our kids will have a home they can grow up in. I pray God will honor this effort- I’m trying to listen, pray that I hear clearly.

HAPPY FRIDAY WEIGH-IN

So I started doing my weigh-ins on Friday now that our office weight-loss competition is over, and weighed in down another 2 lbs for the week (good since I flaked on MOST of my workouts other than Taekwondo- TKD). So yeah, from 399.6 to 321 since January 1, 78.6 lbs lost, 96 to go until I reach my goal of 225......I will be there by mid-December.... THUS SAYETH THE JOSH!
Feeling pretty good, training begins now for ANOTHER half-marathon, the Rock N Roll Half in VA Beach, August 31. My uncle is running it with me, and is putting me up at his place while I'm there. Should be fun. He trains most of his long runs on the elliptical, so I am going that route, as I am still a reasonably fat tub of goo! Not for long, muthas!

UPDATE: Happy Friday, my boss is taking our department out for ice cream at Coldstone......sunuva! Ah well, long run (elliptical-run) tomorrow should take care of that. My wife may kill me for breaking the Asa Andrews detox diet plan. Ah, I've been killed so many times they put a revolving door in at the gates of hell to keep the heat in. I am getting the smallest size, just to make myself feel like I'm compromising. I'll probably get sick tonight from jumping off the non-dairy wagon into a vat of sugary-milk fat.

TOO MUCH TO BLOG ABOUT

My brain is on overload right now, trying to process through the death of my uncle, our impending move, being a week behind at work from being in a training session all last week, and being EXHAUSTED from running my first half-marathon this weekend (finished in 3:13). I am relieved to be through my training, past my red belt testing, and done with my weight loss competition (I've lost 67 lbs since January), but I am without a goal to reach for now and this week is pressing in on me. Anyway, nothing deep or profound, for the few readers I do have, but this is, nonetheless, where I am today. I'm on my way home tomorrow, to be with family- not sure what that will be like, as things seem to be a bit tense there right now. Drama.

UPDATES AND THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY

First of all, it's been a while, blah, blah, blah....so I am now a recommended brown belt, 3 more tests til black belt. I have gone from 399.6 to 354.4 lbs now, and am on track to be at 300 by the 1/2 marathon April 26. So that's that.
I started reading "Irresistable Revolution" by Shane Claiborne, and it has been messing with me. I'm up at 5 AM reading about Mother Teresa and work with homelss and lepers in Calcutta, and Shane talking about looking for an authentic Christian, just randomly calling Mother Teresa on the phone and doing a summer internship there......who does that? Later I'm driving to work, listening to a new song I'm learning for praise band at church, "Mighty to Save", and I'm sitting in my car, tears running down my face, listineing to the Hillsong folks sing "Shine your light and let the whole world see, for the glory of the risen King".....wow, I've just been struck with my own complacency today.....not only do I take God for granted by often not fully grasping the gravity of the words I sing to Him, but I have neglected the simple but difficult call to "shine my light", and go about my life trying to make a difference for the Kingdom, doing all I can to help those who have need to meet their need, and for those in need of a Savior to find Him. I'm lazy, and I find myself wanting to say, "you can't beat yourself up for not moving to Calcutta or something". Can't I? Shouldn't I?
Not that God has only one place to serve- Mother Teresa said that there were "Calcuttas" everywhere, wherever there was need. We have a whole world in need, and need even in our affluent little burg, and yet I find myself content to sing my songs of love and sacrifice, yet not only do I not sacrifice or love ACTIVELY, but often I don't even take the time to ask myself if I know or agree with what I'm singing. "My God is mighty to save". That's true. "He rose and conquered the grave". True. "Everyone needs compassion, love that's never failing". True.....so true. What am I doing about that? What are we doing about that?

DON'T DOUBLE DIP!

For crying out loud, if you go lift weights with a trainer at lunch, don't expect to go to your martial arts class and perform the way you should. You WILL get kicked directly on the chin....you'll take it like a man, but you WILL get kicked, just the same. It'll feel like you're trying to spar with lead weights in your pockets, and you WILL get schooled. Not saying I know from personal experience or anything...I'm just saying.

Oh, by the way, I dropped 4 pounds this week. Not too shabby!

FIRST WORKOUT

So it turns out the guy never rescheduled our trainer appointment, so they guy was booked today, and we rescheduled for tomorrow. Mel and I went ahead and worked out, and she was so funny because she was really worried about looking stupid/out of shape, which of course is silly since we were there to get IN shape. ANyway, we did a relatively easy circuit with free weights, and then cardio for about 20 minutes. It was fun, even if she was freakin out! More to come.

GETTING BACK ON TRACK

Been absent fromt he blog for a bit, and been absent from my life for a bit.... and I'm fed up. I passed my blue belt test a week ago, by the way, now I have just six weeks to prepare for my brown belt test.....YIKES! Also, I had been losing weight several months ago, beginning with a weight loss competition at work from April to June, and i lost 50 pounds (started at 399.6, check out picture to the left)......and that was pretty much that. I kept it off, withthe exception of the last few weeks, where I feel I may have re-gained 5 or 10. This weekend, Mel and I got hooked up at our local fitness center, meeting with a trainer tomorrow to get on a program, and we are committed to meeting at lunch time to work out. I was down to 349, probably more like 355-360 now, and I have a goal weight of 225 (picture ont he right is me at 235, my smallest...but not best shape)....give or take. I am putting these numbers here as a mile marker, a visual reminder of my goal, so I can look back on this in a year or more (130 lbs. from now), having met my goals (obtained or be in mid-terms for my black belt, have run a 5K, and be at or near 225, as my body will determine when I get there).

Here's the latest pic of Andrew, taken on my camera phone. What a cool kid.

37 DAYS TO GO

OK, so no posts in a while, I would guess no one is looking at this any more, but we'll give it a go. By the way, got my purple belt Sept1, working towards blue in October. I am competing at a tournament in Olive Branch MS on Nov. 3, so I now have 37 days to get serious about my conditioning. Yikes. Anyway, I'll be competing in form and sparring- form will be cake, sparring could be interesting. I'm working on dropping as much weight as possible in that timeframe, and building up my endurance, also thinking I'll try some plyometric workouts to try and build some speed and power in my strikes. That's the plan anyway. Anna will compete as well, though at age 5, it is not scored by points, but just by effort and attitude. Should be cute. They look like Rock-em-sock-em robots in all their gear. Too funny.

GREEN BELT TEST PASSED

I am now over half-way to my black belt, I dropped 50 lbs since April 1, and I've started taking classes so that I can become an instructor in a year-and-a-half or so when I'm a black belt (and 175 lbs lighter). It feels good to begin seeing good progress...my instructor says a test for power and proper execution is if your uniform makes a popping noise (like a whip cracking) when you do a strike or kick- last night, first time doing a new strike (ridge hand strike), my uniform "popped" every time. It felt good. It's all about the little things, you know? Anyway, it was a good week.....now I need some sleep.

TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK....into a deadly weapon!

I've been struggling this week with reconciling my faith and my new hobby- martial arts. I've been readin a lot online on both sides of the fence, and I think I've reached a point where I know I'm doing what I should. The interesting part is that I got started with this at a fairly standard Taekwondo school, not one of the many local "Christian" dojangs. Funny as it may sound, I've actually entertained the notion of opening a school one day, but not before I've done it the traditional way first. Ah, I digress. My conclusions.

The two main objections to Christian doing martial arts have been: 1. martial arts teach Eastern religion and mysticism, and 2. The biblical mandate to "turn the other cheek" is in conflict with the idea of self-defense. The first I can debunk from personal experience right away, the extent of the "Eastern mysticism" being taught at my schoo amounts to telling us to close our eyes and meditate, and the meditation consists of picturing ourselves doing the move, or fighting the fight before we begin, so that we have mentally thought through, focused, and prepared our brain to control the movements of our body...... man, that's so wrong. Sounds a lot like the biblical mandate of meditating on Scripture, allowing it to marinate in our mind, so that new understanding comes, and we are more prepared to do what God asks of us. At any rate, I'm sure there are schools teaching Buddhist ideals out there, but with some careful selection, those can be safely avoided. We learn concepts like integrity, perseverance, goal-setting, leadership, etc. Not exactly out of line with Scripture.

The second objection took a little more thought. I've always wrestled with the idea of being a Christian in a violent world, trying to follow this passive, peace-loving Jesus every preacher has proposed to me in my 28 years. Honestly, it never quite worked. What about people who have fought in our countries various wars? What about the victims of violent crime? Law enforcement? How can you reconcile turning the other cheek with these people? Ultimately, I think it's a flaw in our view of Scripture, a cultural presupposition that everything translates into 21st Century American ethics and customs.....context is needed.

In Jewish culture, and throughout other cultures in history, one need only "lay the smack down" on the right cheek of an opponent to issue an insult or challenge. Matthew 5:38-42 is the text, and it points less at an admonission in favor of passivity, as it does at a call to ignore or deny a response to an insult or character-attack of some kind. Would God expect us to sit by and not resist as our family was brutally attacked and murdered- no. There would be as much sin in allowing that to happen as in committing the crime yourself. BUT, if someone insults you, or attacks your character, does it benefit you to sink to their level and attack back, or would it be more beneficial to "turn the other cheek"- to take it in stride, and not let it drag you down as well. THAT, I believe is the concept at work in that passage, and so I take issue with those who stand in judgement of anyone who would defend his home/family/country (within reason). I don't believe God calls us to be sissies, as much as he calls us to operate under love. Two different things. A sissy let's you push him around and feels helpless to stop- a man in love and operating with the love of Christ will still backfist/crescent kick/bust a cap into- any punk who poses a threat to his God-given family. That's just the way I feel about that.

JUST A PICTURE FOR TODAY

My two favorite kids, with a warm sepia-ish glow provided by my crappy camera phone. You gotta love that. Shortly after this picture was taken, he got too much attention, she got jealous, hit his hand, he cried, daddy yelled, everybody got a timeout, and I drove one more nail into the coffin of the myth that I am "nothing like my father". I just am. It makes me crazy.....because I said so.

I'M FEELING BLOGGY

Felt like blogging today, no particular. Everyone seems to be doing it, so I guess I'll give it a go. Could be therapeutic I guess. I don't know, but I'm willing to try. I spent a lovely weekend in teh pool, obtaining the perfect mid-2nd-degree sunburn, and now I am at work, doing what I do. So that's all for now. More to come. Stop looking at me!

GOOD FRIDAY

I didn't think all the "propaganda" of Good Friday- songs in the radio you only hear this week, TV shows, the endless e-mail FWD's- would get to me, but it did this morning. I don't know if everyone has this, but I have suffered (?) for as long as I can remember with VIVID, realistic day dreams (ask me sometime, I've got some freaky ones). As I was driving my 4-year-old to preschool this morning, I was listening to some old Sandy Patty song on what was otherwise, up until this point, a fairly good radio station. I got this really vivid flash of Christ being beaten (thanks Mel), and I swear I almost wrecked the car. I was upset, and trying to cover it up. Anna, having no idea what was going on, asked me why I was listening to this song. I gave her a short little explanation about it being Good Friday, and I wanted to listen to this kind of music today (knowing for sure that she had no idea what I was talking about, but hoping she would let it rest- if you have kids this age, you know what I mean). To this generalization she replied, "Oh I know, on Good Friday the bad guys put Jesus on the cross, and he died. That lady cried (Mary)." I was stunned. I asked her where she learned that- I know I didn't tell her- I was sure she wouldn't get it. "In church on Sunday", she said. Again, shock. Wow, shock #1 was that she knew the significance of the day, and shock #2 was that an almost complete stranger had explained it to her, not me. Come on dad, step it up. "It's OK dad", she said, "He's better now. He went to heaven." WOW. I give up- the child is a genius, or a theologian, or both. Sorry Lord, how careless I've been with her.

ONE MORE, I PROMISE

She's just so stinkin cute. I vow to return to intelligent conversation, or at least bitter diatribes, with my next post, which I ALSO vow to complete tomorrow.....or sometime soon after that....not that it matters......if anyone is reading these........

SO THIS IS MY KID

Yeah, life is good. She was only pretending to be mad, I promise. I ran across this picture this morning, and it struck me as funny. Realizing I had no pictures in my blogs, I added one. So yeah. There it is.

HERE I AM

Not that it matters, but I am back, and without inspiration. More to come. I like cornbread. It's good.