THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY

Not terribly creative, but this is what I was reading and pondering today.

Dan Kimball- about the emerging church

"To me, an emerging church is a church who is redefining the church and our ecclesiology in this emerging post-Christian culture. Praying and thinking through the ramifications of what it means to be the church today. There are a lot of churches just starting now, but so many are still focusing on "the worship service" as the starting point and not thinking through what the church is holistically or even historically. So much of our current church methodology in evangelical churches really only comes from the past 20-50 years. I think we better go way beyond that, and beyond the Reformation too. The Reformation shook things up in a great way, but also set methodological values in place that we still live with today that I think need to change for the emerging church. That is a key element for sure of what I would call an "emerging church" - to be rethinking our ecclesiology for today's culture.
Being missional is also an absolute key factor for the emerging church. By being missional, I mean that the core fabric of the church is that we are about being a community of worshippers on a mission. but the mission is not getting people to "got to church", as you cannot go to church. we are the church. The mission is being the church in all we do and all we are, wherever we are and from this we bring kingdom influence to those around us. We should be inviting others to be joining us as followers of Jesus, not inviting them to events where they raise their hands at an altar call. We should be evaluating our success not by numbers, but by what kind of missional disciples we see being shaped by being in our communities of faith."

LETTERS FROM EXILE

It is my intention to reflect daily via this blog- will it happen? Probably not....I happened to get to work exceptionally early this morning, and found myself with the time to contemplate for a moment.
Somewhere, sometime before we left Findlay, OH for Nashville, I set the little ribbon marker in my bible at Psalm 51, for reasons unknown. Actually, scratch that- I do know why. I was trying desperately to write some lyrics, to compose a tune that expressed my heart (which was, at that point, sadly empty). I failed. I suppose I needed to.
Anyway, fast-forward to 2 weeks ago, feeling as if I had heard God tell me that He brought me here to Nashville to teach me something- to test my loyalty in worship when a paycheck was not provided for my songs...mind you, I told people all along that I thought this was why I was going to Nashville, but now I actually believed it.....sorry everyone.
So, I open my bible, after having the thought one morning that 1.) I was desperately empty due to having almost no prayer life or scripture-reading time, and 2.) What has made it so difficult for me in the past to absorb the Words is my ridiculous notion that I should be on some sort of fast-track- that my understanding of scripture would grow as I speed-read through it like I did everything else. It's ok, and even necessary for me to spend DAYS (this hurts me), DAYS, absaorbing the same scripture. I know, revelation, right? Anyway, I open my bible, and its still stuck on Psalm 51. I read it, and read it, and read it, and get little nuggets about worship and sacrifice, and such. Then, it hits me- I AM in exile. I HAVE gone through the motions. I DID learn God-worship when my pride was shattered. I sat in my car on the drive to work one morning crying as I sang along with a song I had never noticed the words to. How sad the time I wasted; how sad I had to learn my lesson in exile. But, "Your grace has found me just as I am, empty-handed but a life in your hands." How majestic God is.

Psalm 51, from The Message//Remix.

BEGINNING

Today feels strange, as if I am standing on the edge of something I can't see; there is a huge unknown right in front of me, and, try as I might, I can't see into it. I need to take the first step, and that may be all it takes to provide clarity, but it's always that first step, isn't it?
We have started down the road that ultimately will lead us to Nashville; we have announced our resignation, or, as I put it, our "moving on" (so as not to leave the leadership with questions to answer), and are trying to get ourselves submerged into new waters. The first problem has been needing both jobs and a place to live, when the apartments want proof of income to rent to you, and employers want proof of residence to hire you. What's wrong with this picture? I think that we've worked it out, though, and everything is going ahead. Yet in the back of my mind, a doubt has managed to linger (big surprise), and it's literally a day-to-day struggle to stay on-board with this whatever-it-is-God-wants-from-us plan.
Does anyone whom God chooses to do something unknown and new ever feel ready to do it? Am I more like Moses, or more like Thomas? Is it my mustard-seed-worth of faith, or my daily doubt that defines me? More questions than answers today.

LOTS TO TELL

Man, so much going on right now. We are in the process of saying goodbye to our congregation here in Findlay, and getting started getting moved to Nashville. What a weird series of events. For those of you just tuning in, My family and I (along with our small entourage) have decided to follow God's leading to Nashville, even though we have no idea what we'll do when we get there. We feel out of place, disjointed and detached from the body here, and it came into light when the elders noticed something was wrong. It's hard to grow and thrive in a ministry paradigm that doesn't fit you.....or is it that I don't fit it?
Anyway, God called, we're answering; the details will be of little consequence. There's some lesson to be learned, some experience or some knowledge to be gained, and we're going to go find out what it is. Fear, nervousness, sadness, anger- we got it all here, but we're going to go ahead.
Amid all of this, my brain has been in overdrive- I've read more books in the past 3 weeks than I read all of last year. The Emerging Church, Emerging Worship (both by Dan Kimball), Facedown (Matt Redman), The Book of God (Wangerin), and currently The Church in Emerging Culture (Leonard Sweet and others). And I wonder why I can't sleep at night. My paradigm has been shifted so many times it's doin' the electric slide. Good stuff. Yeah, so that's me today.

DAY ONE.... AGAIN

It's just dawning on me that I have the tendency to start strong and never finish. I have become so caught up in improving/changing/whatever, that I am incapacitated by failure. It's just dawning on me that I have to start over my starting over every day, because I inevitably have something go wrong which messes up my mood/attitude/day/whatever. The reality is, I DO need to start over every day, because every day I WILL have things get in my way, and I will inevitably fail/sin/whatever on some level. This may be nothing new to the world, but it's a freakin revelation of insight into myself. I'm screwed up....all I can do is try to do better. I get that far. Where I lose it is -I will fail. I will fall. I will say something I didn't mean. I will lose my temper. I will forget to do something. I will take something for granted. I will fall of the wagon on something I have just decided in my mind that I will NOT fall off the wagon for. I will do all of these things. It's not O.K., but it can be. In that same day, Christ will also be there, doing the same things he always does- appealing/dying/taking my sins. I am not who I want to be. I am only who I am right now, and I am defined by how I let Christ dwell in me and how I let him shine through me, and how I let him change who I am and who I will become. Like I said, revelations into me.

UNPACKING

The past several days have been a long, grueling process of confession, repentance, and, consequestly, self-discovery...or at least the beginning of it. I have unloaded literally years of sinful baggage (much to the dismay, and at the expense of, my wife) that have weighted me down to the point of almost complete apathy. It has been hard to care about anything; to discover or maintain any sort of passion or drive for ANYTHING has been a chore. I am hard at work deconstructing who I am and figuring out what I want to throw out and what I want to keep... a psychological garage sale of sorts. Anyway, I feel different, but of course I worry that I will slip back into apathy. I don't think so, though. Pray for me, ye few who read this blog.

NOT THAT ANYONE IS LOOKING

Here is a post. It's a nice little post. It's a nice little post preceded by a more-than-5-month absence. I feel as if my blog is a reflection of my life. Little moments of inspiration followed by a VAST CHASM OF NOTHINGNESS. Not really, I just wanted to sound as if I had a "great sea of emotion just under the surface", because "I'm in a position to invent just such a person". "It's just sad, that's all I'm sayin."

ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER...

Or so I thought until, having opened my e-mail this morning, I found some rather strongly-worded advice about my blogging exploits. I believe my good friend Tim called me a Boobah. Pop-culture observation #46: PBS is in the business of SCARING THE LIVING CRAP out of the parents of its children's programming viewers....seriously, the LIVING CRAP. No joke.

So, we're excited to have Melony, Aletha, and Ryan (aka Still Water Sonnet) on the road and beginning to do concerts every couple weeks. They sound great, even if they didn't let me vote on the name. They won some studio time at the County Fair, and now they're really starting to take off. It's weird to be at this stage where we're still waiting to see what, if anything, their music ministry turns into. Having fun though.

God is working on me right now through some song writing, getting my feelings out and feeling some things I never got to feel before. I've fought getting close to anyone for so long, and it has hurt a lot of relationships I have. It was even hard to open up and feel the hurt of losing our second baby almost exactly two years ago. but, like I said, God's been doing His God thing, opening up some doors to understaiding and feeling, and it's really been good. Not fun, but just good. Praise God.

A NEW DAY

It feels good to be the proud owner's of a new car; a car that won't stall at intersections, a car that I don't bang my head on getting into and threaten to curse, a car that is NOT our old car. Thank You God for helping us find our happy little PT Cruiser! It makes me giggle....ok, not really (ok, so it does....sue me). After marathon price negotiations, we finished up somewhere around 10:00 last night IN DAYTON, we visited family for a few minutes and returned somewhat safely to Findlay by 1:30 A.M. After some laundry duty, I snuggled into bed at a refreshing 4:15, only to be rudely awakened by my alarm clock at 7:15. So, here I sit, bleary-eyed and disoriented, but happy to be alive, ready for the day (to last 3 hours), and proudly sporting my favorite (and only) red shirt. That last one was totally unrelated and really of no consequence whatsoever, but, as I said, I am disorientateddddddddddddddddddd.
All is well here at the church, Things are rolling along. Not much to report at present. And....if there was....I probably wouldn't remember.....wait, oh, nevermind.

TWO MONTHS & A DAY LATER

I am still alive, though barely so after two months of ministry craziness. In the process, I had a great time of renewal at camp this past week, helping me to look at worship with a fresh excitement. In other news, though related to that same time of renewal, I am saying goodbye to a good friend and fellow minister who is moving to Georgia. It has been hard to admit it, but it bothers me; it seems as though we are constantly in the process of saying goodbye to those who are close to us. Anyway, things are mostly good, with the exception of that sense of loss.

"ASPS, VERY DANGEROUS"

I have become convinced that my role in life is to fulfill the role of, "guy who will do anything for a laugh". I have been a school mascot at the high school and collegiate levels; I have been Chuck E. Cheese; I have taken pies and various other baked goods in the face on more than one occasion. But, it seems that recently my forte has become the role of "sidekick". This year marks the second time I have been the annoying and silly sidekick of the main character in a Vacation Bible School. This year's embarrassment comes in the form of a carbon-copy of the character "Salah", from the Indiana Jones movies. Picture yours truly in a white pinstriped suit and paisley tie. Yeah, scary. Yet another chance to make some kids happy at my own expense. Kids rock. Somebody make me stop.

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME...

Yeah, we're never leaving home again. We go to Indy for the 4-year anniversary EXTRAVEGANZA (it was that exciting), Mel gets food poisoning, and we come home to a flooded basement. I had a near-meltdown experience, and after God back-handed my will a few dozen times, we finished cleaning up the mess and it ended up being no big deal. Not one of my prouder moments, however, as I refused to take a moment and pray when we found the mess, because, as my interior monologue lamented, "God is teaching me about OPPRESSION today!"

I know, I am pathetic. Bask in the awe-inspiring speck that is my faith! I love You, God, I am just really bad at remembering that. Back-hand away.

WHAT AM I DOING HERE?

So, it occured to me today that the biggest thing I accomplished today, or this week for that matter, was leg-pressing 1000 lbs, 6 times. Now, I was happy about it, and I prayed before-hand that God would help me do it (or at least that He would keep me from droppin an O ring). It worked, I guess, as I had no problem doing it, but later as I headed back to work, I thought, "Is this it? Is this the most important thing I can accomplish on any given day?" I guess I just wallow in self-pity, when I see those around me who seem to know exactly where they are going, and it seems clear that God is fast-tracking them there. This is probably an ignorant assumption, as perception is often far removed from reality, but.....it feels true.

I am a perpetual whiner....I need to stop. Life is so great in so many ways. I have no right to complain, but I do it on a regular basis anyway. Let me know if you happen to see God trying to tell me something; I'm usually whining to loud to hear him. Thanks.

LIKED IT SO MUCH, I STOLE IT TOO!

In case you miss it in my links, this was written by Greg Hubbard out in Las Vegas, and copied as well by Tim Wheeler. It's interesting.

Two Theories to Try On You
Today I had a phone call from a lady from So. Cal. with questions about how we do what we do as Apex. I have the privilege/challenge of such phone calls at least once or twice each month. I found myself throwing out two ideas that I have come to believe, and I thought I'd throw them out here for all those in blog-dom to read as well . . . .

1) People in general can not be accurately labelled as "churched" or "unchurched" anymore (or even "believers" or non-believers"). Sure, some people fit completely into one of those labels. But most people do not. Most of us have a complicated, even bizarre, spiritual story. People's stories are often a stew made up of ingredients borrowed from the kitchen cupboards of life. They've dabbled in a little of this and a little of that.

As those loved by Father, we aren't so much trying to identify who is "churched" (so we can get them to jump over into our brand of church) and who is "unchurched" (so we can save their souls from fiery damnation) as we are looking for occassions to come alongside others journeyng through life to see where our stories and theirs might intersect and where we may help each other grow. We trust our Father will use us through these intersections to reach out to others.

2) Successful, large churches (although good in many ways) are going to miss out on reaching two kinds of people.

The first kind are those who will never come to anything called "church" (no matter how far the church stretches to reach them -- even if the church serves beer and hires strippers, there are some people who just aint coming if it is called church!).

The second kind are those on the opposite extreme who have been so reached by the church, who have jumped through every hoop offered by the church to the extent that they, in a sense, have grown beyond what the model has to offer. They are ready to go out and live lives loved by Father, embracing freedom, sharing life in their spiritual community, and sharing love with the world. They have drained everything they can out of the large, succesful church, and in many cases, they have given all they can in service through those churches. They are ready and equipped to be sent out.

Large, successful churches may well have an important function for years to come. However, their ultimate success may depend upon their ability to appropriately acknowledge and deal with the fact that they are limited from reaching these two extreme groups of people, both of which are a growing part of the population in North America.

NEW DAY, NEW BLOG

I have reformatted. Yes, the transition is nearly complete. Try to contain your excitement. Do you ever just have those days when you feel like changing things? Sometimes I just move my office furniture around out of frustration with normality. I think God wired me to be restless. Or are we all that way to some degree. All I know is that I periodically imagine myself wandering blindly into all kinds of different situations, and it doesn't really seem that scary or strange to me. My issue with God at the present is that He seems to have created me with the ability to do a few things pretty well, but then never let me know where he wanted me to concentrate m time and attention. It's annoying not to have all the answers! Oh how I ling for omniscience!!!!!!!! O.K, yeah, I saw Bruce Almighty, I know how that line of thought ends.

Anyway, if you read this post, pray that I can stop being a big freak and listen to God. I mean, don't say it that way, but you get the idea. Man....I am a freak.

MOTHER'S DAY, AN EXERCISE IN FUEL CONSUMPTION

Great weekends are composed of several elements. Fun, sun, friends, family, and HOURS OF INTERSTATE TRAVEL!!!!!! Two states, one day, too much food, and lots of exciting twists and turns. Props to our friends Justin and Tasha Golden (A.K.A. Dividing The Plunder)for being on the radio in Richmond, IN playing the title cut from their CD, "The Ordinary" (was that "announcer-ish" enough?).
Props to my mommy for seeing me a grand total of 5 minutes and not decapitating me. Props to my man Seth, who tracked me down after meeting up with my sister at 4 AM at Bill's Donuts (probably no website, but if you are ever in Centerville, OH.....EAT MANY DONUTS AT BILL'S!!!!) Finally, props to Seth's mommy for sending our wedding gift with him after three years....that's some serious scary memory, ok.
It feels good to go home. I don't know if it's just that "going home" feeling when you visit, or if we really just miss the homeland (So-Ohio in the hizzle for rizzle!). THe baby keeps asking to go to Cincinnati for some odd reason, even though she has never been there in her short life. I guess we just miss the family connection, and the chance to interact on a relational and spiritual level with those we know or have known in the past. We've been in Findlay over a year, but fitting in is still tough.
By the way, WAY TO GO GOD!!! It has been already a string of successive great days, good for mowing grass and frisbee golf, and I like it.

I'M UP, I'M UP!

Props to my man Tim for continuing to e-mail my sorry behind despite my prolonged internet absence. I gave up on e-tech for a while due to the UNBELIEVABLY, EXCESSIVELY SLOW INTERNET CONNECTION, not to mention the worm that ate through our entire office network. I am back from the DL, and ready to rock....O.k, so time has told the tale that I will probably lapse again, but I know that, "And knowing is half the battle". Life has gone on here "much the same as it has this last age".
I am excited for Mel and Aletha to begin their ministry of music; they're practicing and getting some connections made. I am enjoying music more and more, growing in my guitar prowess, and playing drums for the youth praise band (temporarily, til we grow some more drummers.) We are trying our level best to seek God's guidance in the plan for our life and ministry, but are chronically impatient. Story of my life. No new kids (you guys are definitely winning that race, Tim), no major disasters; life is comfortably numb. I don't actually WANT a bunch of stress, kids, and disasters, but they do tend to keep life exciting. That's me in less than 5 minutes- hoping, praying, playing, living, breathing, waiting for the page to turn.

O.K., I'LL POST!!!!!

Upon having my life threatened multiple times for not posting anything, I decided I would. Life just sin't that exciting as of late. Hanging out with church folks, worship-related stuff, and youth keep us pretty busy. Mel and the girls are beginning to work on their singing thing, and I am trying to see if I can make it through one day without caffeine. So far, not so good.
Anyway, the search for meaning continues, interrupted by occasional days of purpose and results for the Kingdom. It's generally far from explosive, but I am beginning to see the very real benefit of relationship building I have tried to do over the past year. We shall see. At any rate, all is well, or at least all is normal, or comfortable, or whatever. As for the FRIENDS WHO BLOG section (Melissa), I have yet to update it, particularly with the blog sites of people who have not TOLD ME THEIR BLOG ADDRESS!!!!!!

BIGGER FREAK

O.K., so I get a reply from the editor of worship magazine, the owner of the company. Bruce Adolph is his name, and he proceeds to assure me that he didn't specify that you could only enter once, so it was ok by him. Secondly, he tells me I may want to unsubscribe from a couple of the newsletters, so I don;t get the same thing over and over. He rocks, I just feel totally useless. Thank you God for convicting me. The humiliation of confessing to someone who could have cared less was a nice touch, as well.

I'M OFFICIALLY A FREAK

O.K., confession time. It's good for the soul. I signed up online for a subscription to WOrship magazine, and at the same time, entered a contest to win a Taylor guitar by subscribing to their e-newsletter. THe bad part was, I decided it wise to sign up for all the e-mail accounts I have access to (7) in order to improve my odds. THEN CAME THE GUILT. I have obsessed over this thing for two days, and then, out of the blue, the editor of the mag calls me last night at home to confirm my subscription. Perfect chance, and I, of course, CHICKEN THE CRAP OUT!!!!! Sooooo, I spoend 30 minutes looking up his personal e-mail address today, and send off this e-mail asking him to take me out of the drawing if he can, and how sorry I am. I feel better, I think, but I feel foolish for doing it in the first place, and secondly, for confessing to a total stranger whose time I wasted in the first place. I AM A GIANT FREAK OF NATURE! Hey, if you read this BRUCE, I really am sorry.