'TIS THE SEASON
It seems that every year about this time, as the Christmas decorations come out, and everything turns to various shades of red and green, that I get a little introspective. I guess it's all the sensory stimulus, stirring memories of holidays past, and all the whens, wheres, whos, and hows I've been through. I find lyself getting melancholy, thinking of how much time has passed, and how much time has been wasted. And I feel sad.
I feel sad about all the friends we've said goodbye to, or rather, all the people I wish I had gotten closer to.....I find it hard to admit that I ever really had "friends".....my fault, though. It's funny how much time I spend thinking, talking, and reading about things like "community", "authenticity", "openness", "sharing", and all the other little Christian-y catch-phrases, but I tend to live somewhere between "robotic" and "hermit-esque".
The punchline is: sorry about that. Sorry if I always seem distant. Sorry if I appear distant or unconcerned. Sorry if I failed to reach out to help, or greet, or even smile.......I was thinking about it....
This has been a bit of a downer from the keyboard of Josh. Some days, you know?
11.28.2005
11.22.2005
SO, PEANUTS EH?
Yeah, so Anna, my three-year-old, brings home a note that says that I need to bring peanuts for their preschool Thanksgiving Feast. I say, "O.K.", and off to the store Anna and I go at 7 AM to buy peanuts. Somewhere in this whole process it occurs to me, "Wait, what the crap are the peanuts for, it's Thanksgiving?" I still don't get it, in spite of my wife's best efforts to tell me about the historicity (she din't used that word, she would have, and will, roll her eyes at me for using that word) of peanuts in America. And, to be fair to myself, I get the whole G. W. Carver thing, and all that, but still, Pilgrims and peanuts.....Indians and peanuts......turkey and peanuts.......I just don't get it. But, in honor of my confusion, if you think about it, add a nice bowl of lightly salted, dry-roasted peanuts to the holiday table. Happy eating, pilgrim.
Yeah, so Anna, my three-year-old, brings home a note that says that I need to bring peanuts for their preschool Thanksgiving Feast. I say, "O.K.", and off to the store Anna and I go at 7 AM to buy peanuts. Somewhere in this whole process it occurs to me, "Wait, what the crap are the peanuts for, it's Thanksgiving?" I still don't get it, in spite of my wife's best efforts to tell me about the historicity (she din't used that word, she would have, and will, roll her eyes at me for using that word) of peanuts in America. And, to be fair to myself, I get the whole G. W. Carver thing, and all that, but still, Pilgrims and peanuts.....Indians and peanuts......turkey and peanuts.......I just don't get it. But, in honor of my confusion, if you think about it, add a nice bowl of lightly salted, dry-roasted peanuts to the holiday table. Happy eating, pilgrim.
11.21.2005
"....FEELIN PRETTY BASIC TODAY, SO......"
1. Name that movie
2. I AM feeling pretty basic today, and since they were on my mind today, I want to direct the attention of any blog-lookers (you blog looker.....cheeky-monkey) to www.ellerymusic.com. Or, use the link for Ellery on this blog page. I am in a very "Ellery" mood today, generally speaking. I hope you enjoy the contemplative tones of Justin and Tasha Golden, delivered fresh from Cincinnati, OH. Thank you and good evening.
1. Name that movie
2. I AM feeling pretty basic today, and since they were on my mind today, I want to direct the attention of any blog-lookers (you blog looker.....cheeky-monkey) to www.ellerymusic.com. Or, use the link for Ellery on this blog page. I am in a very "Ellery" mood today, generally speaking. I hope you enjoy the contemplative tones of Justin and Tasha Golden, delivered fresh from Cincinnati, OH. Thank you and good evening.
11.04.2005
THE BEGINNING OF SOMETHING
So yeah, I started a blog for Mel's group, Still Water Sonnet. It's so groovy and minimalist.....o.k., that's only because I have no content for it yet, and I'm too cheap to get a website. So anyway, I did a little html-ing, and away I go. Check it out if you have 5.5 seconds.....as that's the total amount of time needed to view it at this point. We are working slowly but surely to get ourselves out of debt through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace, so that eventually, Mel can do the SWS thing full-time, and the mom thing full-time. That's the plan. The blogsite is just my first real attempt to do something tangible for the group, other than the occasional guitar back-up. So there you go.
So yeah, I started a blog for Mel's group, Still Water Sonnet. It's so groovy and minimalist.....o.k., that's only because I have no content for it yet, and I'm too cheap to get a website. So anyway, I did a little html-ing, and away I go. Check it out if you have 5.5 seconds.....as that's the total amount of time needed to view it at this point. We are working slowly but surely to get ourselves out of debt through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace, so that eventually, Mel can do the SWS thing full-time, and the mom thing full-time. That's the plan. The blogsite is just my first real attempt to do something tangible for the group, other than the occasional guitar back-up. So there you go.
10.21.2005
THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY
Not terribly creative, but this is what I was reading and pondering today.
Dan Kimball- about the emerging church
"To me, an emerging church is a church who is redefining the church and our ecclesiology in this emerging post-Christian culture. Praying and thinking through the ramifications of what it means to be the church today. There are a lot of churches just starting now, but so many are still focusing on "the worship service" as the starting point and not thinking through what the church is holistically or even historically. So much of our current church methodology in evangelical churches really only comes from the past 20-50 years. I think we better go way beyond that, and beyond the Reformation too. The Reformation shook things up in a great way, but also set methodological values in place that we still live with today that I think need to change for the emerging church. That is a key element for sure of what I would call an "emerging church" - to be rethinking our ecclesiology for today's culture.
Being missional is also an absolute key factor for the emerging church. By being missional, I mean that the core fabric of the church is that we are about being a community of worshippers on a mission. but the mission is not getting people to "got to church", as you cannot go to church. we are the church. The mission is being the church in all we do and all we are, wherever we are and from this we bring kingdom influence to those around us. We should be inviting others to be joining us as followers of Jesus, not inviting them to events where they raise their hands at an altar call. We should be evaluating our success not by numbers, but by what kind of missional disciples we see being shaped by being in our communities of faith."
Not terribly creative, but this is what I was reading and pondering today.
Dan Kimball- about the emerging church
"To me, an emerging church is a church who is redefining the church and our ecclesiology in this emerging post-Christian culture. Praying and thinking through the ramifications of what it means to be the church today. There are a lot of churches just starting now, but so many are still focusing on "the worship service" as the starting point and not thinking through what the church is holistically or even historically. So much of our current church methodology in evangelical churches really only comes from the past 20-50 years. I think we better go way beyond that, and beyond the Reformation too. The Reformation shook things up in a great way, but also set methodological values in place that we still live with today that I think need to change for the emerging church. That is a key element for sure of what I would call an "emerging church" - to be rethinking our ecclesiology for today's culture.
Being missional is also an absolute key factor for the emerging church. By being missional, I mean that the core fabric of the church is that we are about being a community of worshippers on a mission. but the mission is not getting people to "got to church", as you cannot go to church. we are the church. The mission is being the church in all we do and all we are, wherever we are and from this we bring kingdom influence to those around us. We should be inviting others to be joining us as followers of Jesus, not inviting them to events where they raise their hands at an altar call. We should be evaluating our success not by numbers, but by what kind of missional disciples we see being shaped by being in our communities of faith."
10.19.2005
LETTERS FROM EXILE
It is my intention to reflect daily via this blog- will it happen? Probably not....I happened to get to work exceptionally early this morning, and found myself with the time to contemplate for a moment.
Somewhere, sometime before we left Findlay, OH for Nashville, I set the little ribbon marker in my bible at Psalm 51, for reasons unknown. Actually, scratch that- I do know why. I was trying desperately to write some lyrics, to compose a tune that expressed my heart (which was, at that point, sadly empty). I failed. I suppose I needed to.
Anyway, fast-forward to 2 weeks ago, feeling as if I had heard God tell me that He brought me here to Nashville to teach me something- to test my loyalty in worship when a paycheck was not provided for my songs...mind you, I told people all along that I thought this was why I was going to Nashville, but now I actually believed it.....sorry everyone.
So, I open my bible, after having the thought one morning that 1.) I was desperately empty due to having almost no prayer life or scripture-reading time, and 2.) What has made it so difficult for me in the past to absorb the Words is my ridiculous notion that I should be on some sort of fast-track- that my understanding of scripture would grow as I speed-read through it like I did everything else. It's ok, and even necessary for me to spend DAYS (this hurts me), DAYS, absaorbing the same scripture. I know, revelation, right? Anyway, I open my bible, and its still stuck on Psalm 51. I read it, and read it, and read it, and get little nuggets about worship and sacrifice, and such. Then, it hits me- I AM in exile. I HAVE gone through the motions. I DID learn God-worship when my pride was shattered. I sat in my car on the drive to work one morning crying as I sang along with a song I had never noticed the words to. How sad the time I wasted; how sad I had to learn my lesson in exile. But, "Your grace has found me just as I am, empty-handed but a life in your hands." How majestic God is.
Psalm 51, from The Message//Remix.
It is my intention to reflect daily via this blog- will it happen? Probably not....I happened to get to work exceptionally early this morning, and found myself with the time to contemplate for a moment.
Somewhere, sometime before we left Findlay, OH for Nashville, I set the little ribbon marker in my bible at Psalm 51, for reasons unknown. Actually, scratch that- I do know why. I was trying desperately to write some lyrics, to compose a tune that expressed my heart (which was, at that point, sadly empty). I failed. I suppose I needed to.
Anyway, fast-forward to 2 weeks ago, feeling as if I had heard God tell me that He brought me here to Nashville to teach me something- to test my loyalty in worship when a paycheck was not provided for my songs...mind you, I told people all along that I thought this was why I was going to Nashville, but now I actually believed it.....sorry everyone.
So, I open my bible, after having the thought one morning that 1.) I was desperately empty due to having almost no prayer life or scripture-reading time, and 2.) What has made it so difficult for me in the past to absorb the Words is my ridiculous notion that I should be on some sort of fast-track- that my understanding of scripture would grow as I speed-read through it like I did everything else. It's ok, and even necessary for me to spend DAYS (this hurts me), DAYS, absaorbing the same scripture. I know, revelation, right? Anyway, I open my bible, and its still stuck on Psalm 51. I read it, and read it, and read it, and get little nuggets about worship and sacrifice, and such. Then, it hits me- I AM in exile. I HAVE gone through the motions. I DID learn God-worship when my pride was shattered. I sat in my car on the drive to work one morning crying as I sang along with a song I had never noticed the words to. How sad the time I wasted; how sad I had to learn my lesson in exile. But, "Your grace has found me just as I am, empty-handed but a life in your hands." How majestic God is.
Psalm 51, from The Message//Remix.
6.14.2005
BEGINNING
Today feels strange, as if I am standing on the edge of something I can't see; there is a huge unknown right in front of me, and, try as I might, I can't see into it. I need to take the first step, and that may be all it takes to provide clarity, but it's always that first step, isn't it?
We have started down the road that ultimately will lead us to Nashville; we have announced our resignation, or, as I put it, our "moving on" (so as not to leave the leadership with questions to answer), and are trying to get ourselves submerged into new waters. The first problem has been needing both jobs and a place to live, when the apartments want proof of income to rent to you, and employers want proof of residence to hire you. What's wrong with this picture? I think that we've worked it out, though, and everything is going ahead. Yet in the back of my mind, a doubt has managed to linger (big surprise), and it's literally a day-to-day struggle to stay on-board with this whatever-it-is-God-wants-from-us plan.
Does anyone whom God chooses to do something unknown and new ever feel ready to do it? Am I more like Moses, or more like Thomas? Is it my mustard-seed-worth of faith, or my daily doubt that defines me? More questions than answers today.
Today feels strange, as if I am standing on the edge of something I can't see; there is a huge unknown right in front of me, and, try as I might, I can't see into it. I need to take the first step, and that may be all it takes to provide clarity, but it's always that first step, isn't it?
We have started down the road that ultimately will lead us to Nashville; we have announced our resignation, or, as I put it, our "moving on" (so as not to leave the leadership with questions to answer), and are trying to get ourselves submerged into new waters. The first problem has been needing both jobs and a place to live, when the apartments want proof of income to rent to you, and employers want proof of residence to hire you. What's wrong with this picture? I think that we've worked it out, though, and everything is going ahead. Yet in the back of my mind, a doubt has managed to linger (big surprise), and it's literally a day-to-day struggle to stay on-board with this whatever-it-is-God-wants-from-us plan.
Does anyone whom God chooses to do something unknown and new ever feel ready to do it? Am I more like Moses, or more like Thomas? Is it my mustard-seed-worth of faith, or my daily doubt that defines me? More questions than answers today.
6.10.2005
LOTS TO TELL
Man, so much going on right now. We are in the process of saying goodbye to our congregation here in Findlay, and getting started getting moved to Nashville. What a weird series of events. For those of you just tuning in, My family and I (along with our small entourage) have decided to follow God's leading to Nashville, even though we have no idea what we'll do when we get there. We feel out of place, disjointed and detached from the body here, and it came into light when the elders noticed something was wrong. It's hard to grow and thrive in a ministry paradigm that doesn't fit you.....or is it that I don't fit it?
Anyway, God called, we're answering; the details will be of little consequence. There's some lesson to be learned, some experience or some knowledge to be gained, and we're going to go find out what it is. Fear, nervousness, sadness, anger- we got it all here, but we're going to go ahead.
Amid all of this, my brain has been in overdrive- I've read more books in the past 3 weeks than I read all of last year. The Emerging Church, Emerging Worship (both by Dan Kimball), Facedown (Matt Redman), The Book of God (Wangerin), and currently The Church in Emerging Culture (Leonard Sweet and others). And I wonder why I can't sleep at night. My paradigm has been shifted so many times it's doin' the electric slide. Good stuff. Yeah, so that's me today.
Man, so much going on right now. We are in the process of saying goodbye to our congregation here in Findlay, and getting started getting moved to Nashville. What a weird series of events. For those of you just tuning in, My family and I (along with our small entourage) have decided to follow God's leading to Nashville, even though we have no idea what we'll do when we get there. We feel out of place, disjointed and detached from the body here, and it came into light when the elders noticed something was wrong. It's hard to grow and thrive in a ministry paradigm that doesn't fit you.....or is it that I don't fit it?
Anyway, God called, we're answering; the details will be of little consequence. There's some lesson to be learned, some experience or some knowledge to be gained, and we're going to go find out what it is. Fear, nervousness, sadness, anger- we got it all here, but we're going to go ahead.
Amid all of this, my brain has been in overdrive- I've read more books in the past 3 weeks than I read all of last year. The Emerging Church, Emerging Worship (both by Dan Kimball), Facedown (Matt Redman), The Book of God (Wangerin), and currently The Church in Emerging Culture (Leonard Sweet and others). And I wonder why I can't sleep at night. My paradigm has been shifted so many times it's doin' the electric slide. Good stuff. Yeah, so that's me today.
3.21.2005
DAY ONE.... AGAIN
It's just dawning on me that I have the tendency to start strong and never finish. I have become so caught up in improving/changing/whatever, that I am incapacitated by failure. It's just dawning on me that I have to start over my starting over every day, because I inevitably have something go wrong which messes up my mood/attitude/day/whatever. The reality is, I DO need to start over every day, because every day I WILL have things get in my way, and I will inevitably fail/sin/whatever on some level. This may be nothing new to the world, but it's a freakin revelation of insight into myself. I'm screwed up....all I can do is try to do better. I get that far. Where I lose it is -I will fail. I will fall. I will say something I didn't mean. I will lose my temper. I will forget to do something. I will take something for granted. I will fall of the wagon on something I have just decided in my mind that I will NOT fall off the wagon for. I will do all of these things. It's not O.K., but it can be. In that same day, Christ will also be there, doing the same things he always does- appealing/dying/taking my sins. I am not who I want to be. I am only who I am right now, and I am defined by how I let Christ dwell in me and how I let him shine through me, and how I let him change who I am and who I will become. Like I said, revelations into me.
It's just dawning on me that I have the tendency to start strong and never finish. I have become so caught up in improving/changing/whatever, that I am incapacitated by failure. It's just dawning on me that I have to start over my starting over every day, because I inevitably have something go wrong which messes up my mood/attitude/day/whatever. The reality is, I DO need to start over every day, because every day I WILL have things get in my way, and I will inevitably fail/sin/whatever on some level. This may be nothing new to the world, but it's a freakin revelation of insight into myself. I'm screwed up....all I can do is try to do better. I get that far. Where I lose it is -I will fail. I will fall. I will say something I didn't mean. I will lose my temper. I will forget to do something. I will take something for granted. I will fall of the wagon on something I have just decided in my mind that I will NOT fall off the wagon for. I will do all of these things. It's not O.K., but it can be. In that same day, Christ will also be there, doing the same things he always does- appealing/dying/taking my sins. I am not who I want to be. I am only who I am right now, and I am defined by how I let Christ dwell in me and how I let him shine through me, and how I let him change who I am and who I will become. Like I said, revelations into me.
3.02.2005
UNPACKING
The past several days have been a long, grueling process of confession, repentance, and, consequestly, self-discovery...or at least the beginning of it. I have unloaded literally years of sinful baggage (much to the dismay, and at the expense of, my wife) that have weighted me down to the point of almost complete apathy. It has been hard to care about anything; to discover or maintain any sort of passion or drive for ANYTHING has been a chore. I am hard at work deconstructing who I am and figuring out what I want to throw out and what I want to keep... a psychological garage sale of sorts. Anyway, I feel different, but of course I worry that I will slip back into apathy. I don't think so, though. Pray for me, ye few who read this blog.
The past several days have been a long, grueling process of confession, repentance, and, consequestly, self-discovery...or at least the beginning of it. I have unloaded literally years of sinful baggage (much to the dismay, and at the expense of, my wife) that have weighted me down to the point of almost complete apathy. It has been hard to care about anything; to discover or maintain any sort of passion or drive for ANYTHING has been a chore. I am hard at work deconstructing who I am and figuring out what I want to throw out and what I want to keep... a psychological garage sale of sorts. Anyway, I feel different, but of course I worry that I will slip back into apathy. I don't think so, though. Pray for me, ye few who read this blog.
2.25.2005
NOT THAT ANYONE IS LOOKING
Here is a post. It's a nice little post. It's a nice little post preceded by a more-than-5-month absence. I feel as if my blog is a reflection of my life. Little moments of inspiration followed by a VAST CHASM OF NOTHINGNESS. Not really, I just wanted to sound as if I had a "great sea of emotion just under the surface", because "I'm in a position to invent just such a person". "It's just sad, that's all I'm sayin."
Here is a post. It's a nice little post. It's a nice little post preceded by a more-than-5-month absence. I feel as if my blog is a reflection of my life. Little moments of inspiration followed by a VAST CHASM OF NOTHINGNESS. Not really, I just wanted to sound as if I had a "great sea of emotion just under the surface", because "I'm in a position to invent just such a person". "It's just sad, that's all I'm sayin."
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