NEED TO BE CALM
I am a spaz. I get quietly, internally bent out of shape about stuff, and it gradually makes me snippy, moody, and just generally not a happy camper. I've been stressing over trying to find a place to live, and trying not to let my wife know, as she is more stressed than BOTH of us should be. Trying to be the calm, collected one is making me want to jump off a cliff though.
So house situation is still up in the air- waiting to hear from the bank about the price, hoping everything works out. It occured to me this morning that what started as "God, if this is a plan you've put in place, I pray that everything works smoothly and that You keep letting me know which way to go", had turned into "God, I'm doing everything I can to be good, but I'm stressed and getting moodier by the minute, and so PLEASE make things work". It's like we somewhere along the way decided we had to be extra good, so God would be happy and let good things happen to us. What a bunch of crap. That suggests God only loves us when we're acting perfect. Total crap- my kids showed me that. I need to quit trying to be so together, as if my good deeds or some super strong faith are going to MAKE God give us a house. Silly. Don't know why I always end up going there with whatever I'm doing.....bad upbringing maybe. Being human maybe? Who knows. I've known for a long time what a screw-up I am.
5.28.2008
5.27.2008
FOOD HANGOVER
So yeah, I feel like crap today. Went out for a belated anniversary dinner last night, which turned into a progressive dinner of sorts. Used our giftcard form CHRISTMAS to hit Maggiano's for some so-not-on-the-detox-diet Lasagna and Spinach and Chicken Canneloni. Excellent, by the way. After that it was off to Green Hills, to walk around the snooty mall making fun of all the "social elite" out to do a little boutique shopping. After we had sufficiently worked off the pasta, it was off to the Cheesecake Factory for a double-whammy- White Chocolate Rasberry and a Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake. I.Feel.Sick.
I wake up this morning fully prepared for the food hangover, and as if on cue, it was waiting for me. I feel 20 lbs heavier, and just feel gross. Taekwondo at lunch today, that should be a treat! Oh well, back on the plan. Goodbye carbs, I miss you already (OK thats a lie, right now I couldn't eat any more pasta if I HAD to).
So yeah, I feel like crap today. Went out for a belated anniversary dinner last night, which turned into a progressive dinner of sorts. Used our giftcard form CHRISTMAS to hit Maggiano's for some so-not-on-the-detox-diet Lasagna and Spinach and Chicken Canneloni. Excellent, by the way. After that it was off to Green Hills, to walk around the snooty mall making fun of all the "social elite" out to do a little boutique shopping. After we had sufficiently worked off the pasta, it was off to the Cheesecake Factory for a double-whammy- White Chocolate Rasberry and a Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake. I.Feel.Sick.
I wake up this morning fully prepared for the food hangover, and as if on cue, it was waiting for me. I feel 20 lbs heavier, and just feel gross. Taekwondo at lunch today, that should be a treat! Oh well, back on the plan. Goodbye carbs, I miss you already (OK thats a lie, right now I couldn't eat any more pasta if I HAD to).
5.22.2008
CRAP I'M TIRED
And you know what the problem is? I haven't been to the gym in two days....well OK, I went to Taekwondo Tuesday, then slacked yesterday and this morning. I miss my endorphines! I am such a freakin slacker! I continue to lose wieght slowly in spite, at a rate of about 3 lbs a week. Not bad, but not what I want. 3 a week puts me at 225 by Christmas, but I'd rather be at 225 by Thanksgiving, and then start working on getting things TIGHT! The long uphill battle begins.
So yeah, training again for the half, trying to figure out how to pay for my plane ticket to VA! Maybe I'll sell plasma.....oh wait, then I'll be too weak to train. Crap. I guess I just have to work. Maybe I better quit blogging and make a phone call or 20......
And you know what the problem is? I haven't been to the gym in two days....well OK, I went to Taekwondo Tuesday, then slacked yesterday and this morning. I miss my endorphines! I am such a freakin slacker! I continue to lose wieght slowly in spite, at a rate of about 3 lbs a week. Not bad, but not what I want. 3 a week puts me at 225 by Christmas, but I'd rather be at 225 by Thanksgiving, and then start working on getting things TIGHT! The long uphill battle begins.
So yeah, training again for the half, trying to figure out how to pay for my plane ticket to VA! Maybe I'll sell plasma.....oh wait, then I'll be too weak to train. Crap. I guess I just have to work. Maybe I better quit blogging and make a phone call or 20......
5.19.2008
MATTER OF PRAYER
I just want to take a few minutes to record this somewhere. I am bad about following through on prayer, and I am usually so pessimistic I don’t bother asking God for things I don’t see as “sure things”, but I had a vision of something this morning, and I can’t help but blame God for it….
It all started when we were looking at a condo to rent. We have been renting for about 8 years, since we got married, and we are SICK of it. BUT, we’re trying to do the “debt-free” thing and wait until we pay off our debt to buy a home. Problem is, Williamson County, and the whole Nashville area, is so freakin expensive, rent is WAY more than a decent home would be anywhere else, but a decent home we can afford is non-existent around here. So anyway, we’re looking at this condo, and as I am standing on the porch looking at the yard, I notice a NASTY yard across the street. Seriously, the grass is 3 ft high. Looks like no one is home, no one has BEEN home.
My recent financial educational experience tells me it’s abandoned, and may be in foreclosure… INTERESTING. So, I do a little homework, e-mail the deeds office in the county, and find out it has been turned over to a Trustee and may already be in foreclosure. I do a little more homework, find out I need to see what it was purchased for, so I can maybe make an offer if we can get the financing. Hilarious that we saw this place while looking at another, but both of us just got this FEELING about the little house. So now I am waiting for a bunch of things to happen in order, starting with finding out the sale price and then moving through the mortgage approval process. Yikes.
So anyway, I had this thought in my head, about how I put things off or don’t bother to bring things to God that I want or think are too far-fetched to brother asking for. I decided this wasn’t one of those times. It made me think also about how we always live in these little apartments, and we always feel like (and this may be weird), that all the crap and all the drama that goes on in these places over the years leaves a little mojo behind, you know? We always feel like some of the “demons” of the past live in these places, and we always say we need to pray as we move in, invite God in (not that He needs the invite, but you know) and ask for God’s blessing over the people and the interactions within those walls…..we’ve never actually DONE that, but it sounds good.
So anyway, I was thinking how cool it would be to get this house, and invite friends, family, and church family over to pray over this house. Sort of a dedication/house-warming/commissioning/exorcism/reclaiming of the space for Jesus. How cool would that be? (SO I’ve been reading Shane Claiborne’s Irresistable Revolution, and I think some of his crazy vision is rubbing off!). I don’t even know what we would be reclaiming the space for, other than for living, but it seems to me that “if you build it, they will come” might be the vibe I’m getting- “Follow through, get your home, and I’ll show you what I can do with it”.
So pray, if you read this. Pray that we find a place to live that allows us to get out of debt, and doesn’t break the bank. Pray that we can finally feel at home, like we belong somewhere, that our kids will have a home they can grow up in. I pray God will honor this effort- I’m trying to listen, pray that I hear clearly.
I just want to take a few minutes to record this somewhere. I am bad about following through on prayer, and I am usually so pessimistic I don’t bother asking God for things I don’t see as “sure things”, but I had a vision of something this morning, and I can’t help but blame God for it….
It all started when we were looking at a condo to rent. We have been renting for about 8 years, since we got married, and we are SICK of it. BUT, we’re trying to do the “debt-free” thing and wait until we pay off our debt to buy a home. Problem is, Williamson County, and the whole Nashville area, is so freakin expensive, rent is WAY more than a decent home would be anywhere else, but a decent home we can afford is non-existent around here. So anyway, we’re looking at this condo, and as I am standing on the porch looking at the yard, I notice a NASTY yard across the street. Seriously, the grass is 3 ft high. Looks like no one is home, no one has BEEN home.
My recent financial educational experience tells me it’s abandoned, and may be in foreclosure… INTERESTING. So, I do a little homework, e-mail the deeds office in the county, and find out it has been turned over to a Trustee and may already be in foreclosure. I do a little more homework, find out I need to see what it was purchased for, so I can maybe make an offer if we can get the financing. Hilarious that we saw this place while looking at another, but both of us just got this FEELING about the little house. So now I am waiting for a bunch of things to happen in order, starting with finding out the sale price and then moving through the mortgage approval process. Yikes.
So anyway, I had this thought in my head, about how I put things off or don’t bother to bring things to God that I want or think are too far-fetched to brother asking for. I decided this wasn’t one of those times. It made me think also about how we always live in these little apartments, and we always feel like (and this may be weird), that all the crap and all the drama that goes on in these places over the years leaves a little mojo behind, you know? We always feel like some of the “demons” of the past live in these places, and we always say we need to pray as we move in, invite God in (not that He needs the invite, but you know) and ask for God’s blessing over the people and the interactions within those walls…..we’ve never actually DONE that, but it sounds good.
So anyway, I was thinking how cool it would be to get this house, and invite friends, family, and church family over to pray over this house. Sort of a dedication/house-warming/commissioning/exorcism/reclaiming of the space for Jesus. How cool would that be? (SO I’ve been reading Shane Claiborne’s Irresistable Revolution, and I think some of his crazy vision is rubbing off!). I don’t even know what we would be reclaiming the space for, other than for living, but it seems to me that “if you build it, they will come” might be the vibe I’m getting- “Follow through, get your home, and I’ll show you what I can do with it”.
So pray, if you read this. Pray that we find a place to live that allows us to get out of debt, and doesn’t break the bank. Pray that we can finally feel at home, like we belong somewhere, that our kids will have a home they can grow up in. I pray God will honor this effort- I’m trying to listen, pray that I hear clearly.
5.16.2008
HAPPY FRIDAY WEIGH-IN
So I started doing my weigh-ins on Friday now that our office weight-loss competition is over, and weighed in down another 2 lbs for the week (good since I flaked on MOST of my workouts other than Taekwondo- TKD). So yeah, from 399.6 to 321 since January 1, 78.6 lbs lost, 96 to go until I reach my goal of 225......I will be there by mid-December.... THUS SAYETH THE JOSH!
Feeling pretty good, training begins now for ANOTHER half-marathon, the Rock N Roll Half in VA Beach, August 31. My uncle is running it with me, and is putting me up at his place while I'm there. Should be fun. He trains most of his long runs on the elliptical, so I am going that route, as I am still a reasonably fat tub of goo! Not for long, muthas!
UPDATE: Happy Friday, my boss is taking our department out for ice cream at Coldstone......sunuva! Ah well, long run (elliptical-run) tomorrow should take care of that. My wife may kill me for breaking the Asa Andrews detox diet plan. Ah, I've been killed so many times they put a revolving door in at the gates of hell to keep the heat in. I am getting the smallest size, just to make myself feel like I'm compromising. I'll probably get sick tonight from jumping off the non-dairy wagon into a vat of sugary-milk fat.
So I started doing my weigh-ins on Friday now that our office weight-loss competition is over, and weighed in down another 2 lbs for the week (good since I flaked on MOST of my workouts other than Taekwondo- TKD). So yeah, from 399.6 to 321 since January 1, 78.6 lbs lost, 96 to go until I reach my goal of 225......I will be there by mid-December.... THUS SAYETH THE JOSH!
Feeling pretty good, training begins now for ANOTHER half-marathon, the Rock N Roll Half in VA Beach, August 31. My uncle is running it with me, and is putting me up at his place while I'm there. Should be fun. He trains most of his long runs on the elliptical, so I am going that route, as I am still a reasonably fat tub of goo! Not for long, muthas!
UPDATE: Happy Friday, my boss is taking our department out for ice cream at Coldstone......sunuva! Ah well, long run (elliptical-run) tomorrow should take care of that. My wife may kill me for breaking the Asa Andrews detox diet plan. Ah, I've been killed so many times they put a revolving door in at the gates of hell to keep the heat in. I am getting the smallest size, just to make myself feel like I'm compromising. I'll probably get sick tonight from jumping off the non-dairy wagon into a vat of sugary-milk fat.
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