DAY ONE.... AGAIN
It's just dawning on me that I have the tendency to start strong and never finish. I have become so caught up in improving/changing/whatever, that I am incapacitated by failure. It's just dawning on me that I have to start over my starting over every day, because I inevitably have something go wrong which messes up my mood/attitude/day/whatever. The reality is, I DO need to start over every day, because every day I WILL have things get in my way, and I will inevitably fail/sin/whatever on some level. This may be nothing new to the world, but it's a freakin revelation of insight into myself. I'm screwed up....all I can do is try to do better. I get that far. Where I lose it is -I will fail. I will fall. I will say something I didn't mean. I will lose my temper. I will forget to do something. I will take something for granted. I will fall of the wagon on something I have just decided in my mind that I will NOT fall off the wagon for. I will do all of these things. It's not O.K., but it can be. In that same day, Christ will also be there, doing the same things he always does- appealing/dying/taking my sins. I am not who I want to be. I am only who I am right now, and I am defined by how I let Christ dwell in me and how I let him shine through me, and how I let him change who I am and who I will become. Like I said, revelations into me.
3.21.2005
3.02.2005
UNPACKING
The past several days have been a long, grueling process of confession, repentance, and, consequestly, self-discovery...or at least the beginning of it. I have unloaded literally years of sinful baggage (much to the dismay, and at the expense of, my wife) that have weighted me down to the point of almost complete apathy. It has been hard to care about anything; to discover or maintain any sort of passion or drive for ANYTHING has been a chore. I am hard at work deconstructing who I am and figuring out what I want to throw out and what I want to keep... a psychological garage sale of sorts. Anyway, I feel different, but of course I worry that I will slip back into apathy. I don't think so, though. Pray for me, ye few who read this blog.
The past several days have been a long, grueling process of confession, repentance, and, consequestly, self-discovery...or at least the beginning of it. I have unloaded literally years of sinful baggage (much to the dismay, and at the expense of, my wife) that have weighted me down to the point of almost complete apathy. It has been hard to care about anything; to discover or maintain any sort of passion or drive for ANYTHING has been a chore. I am hard at work deconstructing who I am and figuring out what I want to throw out and what I want to keep... a psychological garage sale of sorts. Anyway, I feel different, but of course I worry that I will slip back into apathy. I don't think so, though. Pray for me, ye few who read this blog.
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